Life Is Cheap
by druidangel
Summary: (Chapter 3 up), sorry it's late again! After the war Heero committed suicide. But Duo can still see him; he’s always there. Warning: Semi-mature themes, Shounen ai (2x1), strange.
1. Default Chapter

Summary: After the war Heero committed suicide. But Duo can still see him; he's always there.  
  
Warning: Semi-mature themes, Shounen ai (2x1), strange.  
  
LIFE IS CHEAP  
  
* ~ * Chapter one: I hate you, don't I? * ~ *  
  
"Life is cheap, especially mine...I am a soldier, a soldier with no war to fight in...I have no purpose." And he pulled the trigger. He didn't even care. He didn't blink. He didn't flinch...I hate him for being like that. I couldn't stand to see it. I hate the way he thought his life didn't mean a damn thing! I hate the way he collapsed. I hate the way his skin and hair were stained with blood. But most of all I hate him. I hate him for doing it. And I hate myself for letting him do it.  
  
* ~ * ~ * "-Tomorrow will be bright and sunny in the south but the west is likely to get some cloud and probably some rain later in the day-" the TV drowned on in the background as he eat his micro-wavable snack. "-And now for today's news with Paul Reid." "Thank you Nick. Two men have been taken into questioning over the rape and murder of twenty-three year old-" the TV was switched off.  
  
"Nothing but death and commercials on TV these days." The American boy said in a 'what a surprise' tone.  
  
"It was no different during the war, you just didn't notice it." Said a tired Chinese boy that sat next to him.  
  
"It's three in the morning, isn't anyone going to bed besides me?"  
  
"Actually, Quatre, it's three fifteen and no." The first boy said again.  
  
"Fine, fine, but don't expect me to make you breakfast at eleven when you finally wake up."  
  
* It doesn't matter really; I don't sleep much now anyway. Just stay up watching bad porn and Japanese infomercials all night. I like night; I think it suits me more than day. If that even makes sense. I just...don't care much anymore. It's usually get up, lounge, eat, lounge, argue with someone, drink beer (what think I can't get a fake ID?), get drunk, argue with myself, argue with the walls, TV or some other inanimate object, fall asleep, wake up again and curse everything on this goddamn earth.  
  
It has to have been a month or so now, since the war and his suicide. I tried going to school for a while but I found it hard to get use to, seeing as how I knew I could just drop out anytime. That's just what I did. I dropped out, the others didn't even bother trying to get me back in. don't blame 'em.  
  
* I really hate this room you know. The walls are paper thin, it smells, it's untidy (which I guess is my fault really), and it only has one tiny window in the corner. It really sucks.  
  
And right on time, just when I'm feeling my worst there he is, standing in front of me. It's not really Heero, I know that, but who-...whatever it is, it bugs the hell out of me. It doesn't smile, doesn't talk, doesn't move...just...stares, or maybe it's more of a glare, it's hard to tell. I've tried telling it to go away, tried yelling at it, which of course made the others come see what the problem is. They don't see it, which meant I had to lie and say I hurt my toe on the bedpost; I hate lying.  
  
So I came to the conclusion that I was not only insane, but felling guilty over his death. I don't see why. Is it really my fault that he's suicidal? But...I guess I miss him, we were friends...well, at least he was my friend, I don't know if was vies-versa, after all, he was just Mr. Perfect- antisocial-bastard really...wasn't he? But I do miss him.  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
Awkward silences. Really hate them; just get on my nerves, so I'm usually the first one to break them. But right know, here I am, at the table, with the others (or what's left of them) in the middle of an awkward silence, a really bad one. Quatre was suggesting we go somewhere tomorrow and said "maybe the five of us should-" that was as far as he got before this started: an awkward silence. just what I need with it staring at me right now. That's right, it's over there, next to Trowa. I'm staring back at it and Trowa looked over his shoulder to see what I was staring at, he doesn't see what I see. Now he's giving me odd looks.  
  
"I'm sorry," Quatre starts, "it just slipped out..."  
  
"It never happened."  
  
We look at Wufei. He looks neutral.  
  
"You never said anything." He says again.  
  
"Okay." Quatre agrees.  
  
But the awkward silence didn't end.  
  
It's still there, and I hate it...I hate it.  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
"You're just gonna stand there, aren't you." Great, now I'm talking to it. It blinks.  
  
"You're gonna stand there, not say a word and stare at me."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"I hate you." That was me. I didn't have time to say it to the real Heero when he killed himself, but I'll say it now. "Go away." It stares. "Go away." It glares. "I said 'go away.'" Nop, it's still there.  
  
"You don't want me to leave...and you don't hate me."  
  
TBC- - - - - - - - - - - -   
  
A/N That was very strange wasn't it? Sorry, I'm a strange person. And I'm sorry for all my spelling mistakes and bad grammar, I jumped straight into fanfiction from never having written a proper story before in my life. There were school stories I had to do, but that was different, the teacher corrected all me spelling and punctuation. Again, I apologise.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!! You have the time; it'll only take a minute. Go on. It'll make me happy. Don't you want to be nice and make me happy? PLEEEAAASSSE!!!!!!  
  
OH PLEASE!!!! With sugar on top!! And a cherry! I'll be your best friend! 


	2. burger boy

Life is cheap Chapter two: burger boy  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
~ Duo's screaming again, must be drunk ~, Quatre thought. He did this a lot, got depressed, drunk, got drunk, screamed, passed out. It was like a routine that happened every so often, well, very often. ~ We have to find him a job or something. ~  
  
*  
  
"Bastard! You just went and killed yourself with out thinking, you didn't once think about the rest of us!!" It's not the real Heero, it's not the real Heero, it's not the real Heero!  
  
"..."  
  
"Perfect! You only talk when it annoys me and you don't when it annoys me! You can't say that! Don't you dare ever say that!!" I never felt anything for him!  
  
"..."  
  
"Bastard...stupid bastard!" I hang my head.  
  
"If you hate me, why do you want me back?" It says, I can tell by the way it speaks it's not Heero; it's different, but only when it speaks.  
  
"I don't want you back!!!!"  
  
"..."  
  
I mutter 'bastard' under my breath again...  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
Duo yelped as something cold was thrown over his body.  
  
"Took you long enough." Quatre said, amused by Duo's reaction.  
  
A soaking Duo lay sprawled across his bedroom floor, "What was that for?" He grumbled.  
  
"We're gonna find you a job." Was Quatre's loud, high pitched and over enthusiastic response.  
  
"...What?"  
  
"A Job." He said again, putting down the large glass previously filled with water.  
  
"...Why?"  
  
"You ask too many questions." Said the blonde, grabbing Dou's arm and proceeding to drag him out of the bombsite of a room.  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
People and buildings sped by behind the car window. Gone the second after they came, it was all very trivial. But reflected in the car window was something very un-trivial, Heero's reflection. But as soon as Duo turned to see if 'Heero' was in-fact sitting beside him, it was Trowa again, looking at a magazine.  
  
"You'll get sick if you keep reading in the car." Duo said.  
  
"I know." Trowa replied  
  
Do looked back into the window ~ Hey Heero, nice day, huh? ~ He though sarcastically to the non-existent reflection. It blinked,  
  
~ So you've decided to follow me outside the house as well ~  
  
It blinked again.  
  
~ Don't look at me with those innocent eyes, you are so trying to annoy me!" ~  
  
It just glared this time.  
  
~ And Heero's eyes weren't so innocent...stupid impostor... ~  
  
Again, it glared.  
  
~ Go away... ~  
  
...  
  
~ Go away ~  
  
...  
  
~ Go away ~  
  
...  
  
~ Go away ~  
  
It blinked.  
  
"Stupid impostor..."  
  
"What did you say?" Trowa asked.  
  
"Huh? Oh...oh, Nothing." ~ Damn it, look what you made me do! ~  
  
And, of course, it blinked again.  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
If it was ever true that it's hard to find a job then Duo was lucky, or lucky in the aspect that he actually managed to find one in three days, as for the actual job...  
  
"Three hamburgers; one with no mayo and one with no mayo or salad, and a chicken burger, extra ketchup." Ordered a middle-aged man.  
  
"Would you like fries with that?"  
  
*Duo was beginning to wonder if the war had really been so bad. At least he had had a descent job and his dignity intact. Even if it did involve getting your hand dirty once in a while and a few sleepless nights. At least it wasn't this.  
  
"No thanks." Said the man.  
  
The worst thing was 'Heero' was still watching him. He knew it was stupid...but...he felt embarrassed. Having 'Heero' watching him made him feel worse.  
  
He, of course, went to get the man's order. He was actually doing surprisingly bad at his new job...or first...which ever. He was constantly getting yelled at for making a mess of orders, but some how he thought it would be more embarrassing to be good at his new job than it would be to get fired, which he was still praying for.  
  
"Hey Duo, You've burnt those." Said a boy whose name Duo hadn't bothered to learn yet.  
  
"What? ...Oh fuck!" He had been staring at Heero, letting the burgers burn, "damn, damn, damn!" He flipped the jet-black burgers of the grill and replaced them with considerably less cooked ones. He sent an angry glare Heero's way.  
  
~ I'm beginning to agree with Heero's last words... ~  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - a/n - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
soooorrrrrrry, this chapter really sucked! I might revise it later but right now I'm just trying to get it in on time! Not that I set myself a date for it to be in by, that would be silly (if only for me.)  
  
I AM SOOOOO SORRY THIS IS SOOOOOO LATE!!! I've been ill for a few weeks; I had a really high temperature and all! Normally I would have written anyway, but the computer screen made my eyes hurt ;_;. Again I'm really sorry! Gomen nasai!  
  
Luvs and hugs and big, pink, fluffy CaTeRpIlLaRs!!!!!!! 


	3. microwavable mush and and a kiss

Life is Cheap  
  
Chapter Three: microwavable mush and a kiss  
  
"-The two men walked free from court today after they were pronounced not guilty over the rape an-" Duo slammed his fist down on the remote as the news reader went on in the usual depressing manner. The TV went blank, and he stared at his reflection in the black screen. He really didn't want to turn around again and meet his eye, but already he could see the figure reflected behind him in the same black screen.  
  
Duo rolled off the couch and fell face first on the floor, with a tiny groan he turned his head to see 'Heero' staring down at him. He closed his eyes and let out another tired groan.  
  
Duo felt like one hundred needles had suddenly been jammed into his brain and then pulled out only to have them stabbed right back in again, the repetitive pain left him lying numbly on the floor, eyes shut tightly.  
  
The room was dark, with only the smallest bit of orange light coming from the streetlamp out side. So, with nothing better to do, he lay there, for quite a while really, occasionally looking up at 'Heero' who just stared back.  
  
"Heero?" he asked, it felt strange calling the thing by that name. It didn't reply, "I'm really pathetic, you know?" he chuckled. "And it's your fault...it's all your fault."  
  
The sound of the busy road outside seeped into the room and through the house.  
  
The rhythm-less patter of the rain on the windows only got heavier.  
  
And what happened next seemed to be in slow motion for Duo. As Heero bent down on his knees, eyes still locked with Duo's.  
  
Duo swore he could feel his body floating as Heero drifted nearer. He could see those emotionless eyes closing in on his.  
  
He supported himself on one arm and very slowly he began to move forwards, too. His eyes closed. He felt his pulse race. And.  
  
The contact he was expecting never came.  
  
He fell over as he leaned too far forwards. And when he opened his eyes Heero was gone.  
  
His mind replayed what had just happened and made sense of the fact that Heero disappeared due to him being dead and not actually there and all. Then duo realized what he was actually about to do...  
  
"...No...I...I wasn't." he paused, "...I'm not, I...I don't!" Heero was a boy, a soldier, emotionless, a BOY, a suicidal maniac, dead...a BOY!!  
  
Duo would have thrown himself to the floor if he weren't there already.  
  
"I'm so screwed-up." And there's nothing like insulting yourself to lighten the mood.  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
He stared at his plate, his dinner, the ketchup, the microwavable mush, the greasy liquid that oozed out of it when he poked the mush with his fork...it look so appetising, but he couldn't bring himself to eat anything, his stomach was still doing flip flops from earlier and it would likely throw back anything he tried to get into it.  
  
"Earth to Maxwell, earth to Maxwell, do you read me?"  
  
"Wha?" he looked up to see Wufei smirking at him.  
  
"Has hell frozen over? Are you for once in your life not hungry?"  
  
"...Uh...I..." Duo's non-sentence was ended there as he stared at what seemed to them to be thin air.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre asked, "Are you tired or something?"  
  
"...Umm..." Duo continued to stare.  
  
"Riiiiiiiight..." there was an awkward moment, followed by another slightly more awkward moment and the third was just a bit too awkward to stand. One by one the others left the room.  
  
"I hate you." And he continued to stare.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - a/n - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Ahh, hello all. Sorry it was short. I just have one thing to ask of you...  
  
(to the tune of ah-ga-do, or whatever)  
  
I love you, you, you  
  
You read my story, I thank you  
  
You are nice, nice, nice  
  
But reading stories has a price  
  
It would be nice, nice, nice  
  
If you could please review  
  
So could you, you, you  
  
Be so nice as to do just that?  
  
Please review, view, view  
  
It will make me all happy  
  
Don't you want, want, that  
  
Or are you self-centred and sad  
  
It will oh-na-ly  
  
Take a second or so  
  
So be nice, nice, nice  
  
Aaaaaaaaand teeeeeeeeeel meeeeeeee whaaaaaaaat yoooooouuuuuu thiiiiiiiiiiiiiink!  
  
Sorry...I can't sing.  
  
C'ya space-cowboys!! 


	4. muumuus and heals don't

Warning: reference to past 2+H, not a lot, don't worry.  
  
Chapter four: muumuus and heals don't...  
  
(My chapter names keep getting weirder, ne?)  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
Duo doodled in the salt that had been scattered over the counter top; first a star, then swirl, and then the word 'hello' (having nothing better to write). Ah yes, it was true...his job truly sucked. And he truly hated it. And he hated his boss. And he hated the other staff. And he particularly hated the customers.  
  
"Two sodas, two...make that THREE burgers and...a portion of chips." Said an obese woman in a muumuu.  
  
"Salt?" he asked  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Salt. For the chips." He paused. "Salt?" He asked again.  
  
"Yeah sure. Oh, and ketchup, lots of it." The lady said, her neck rippling as she spoke.  
  
Duo turned to one of the girls who were making the food "two soda, three burger, chips. For the muumuu lady." Duo knew fine well the lady heard him but at this point he...('didn't care' would be an understatement) couldn't give a flying fuck. ~ Hmmm, ~ he mused, ~ a flying fuck. Now there's a thought. ~  
  
The lady looked like she was about to say something, then didn't, then started again, "f-for your information I have a medical problem."  
  
"Uh-hu." Duo said dully, "and the doc recommended food, did he?"  
  
The woman turned bright red in anger and turned on her heal, ready for a dramatic exit that would prove she didn't need the food and that would leave everyone in awe (this she knew would not happen, but she would not be there to SEE it not happening and what you can't see can't hurt you) but alas, as in all dramatic exits...something went wrong, her heal on her shoe broke just as she was turning. With a loud crash, she fell like a brick wall, taking down several other customers with her.  
  
"Shit! Oh, shit!!" Cursed Duo, running to the ladies side to help her up, "miss, I'm really sorry!" but his desperate attempt to apologise was lost in the noise a confusion of the moment and as soon as the lady was up she was out the door as fast as he stout legs and broken shoe could carry her.  
  
The was a brief moment where everyone just stood in silence and confusion, but the moment passed quickly and Duo threw himself down on a seat and sighed. He looked up at the damp on the ceiling and opened his mouth to speak, "I..." he said, "am a complete bastard..."  
  
"Yes," replied a girl's voice for behind him, "you are."  
  
He looked at her, looked away, and hung his head in his hands, "...Hello Hilde."  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
They sat at a table by the window as they rationally discussed the problem...sure they did.  
  
"-And I knew that. I didn't want to leave you but it was just what felt right, so-"  
  
"So you left? I loved you, and you left." Hilde cut it.  
  
"Will you just listen to me for a second!!!??" It was like he couldn't get a word in, if she wanted an apology she was going the wrong way about it, "Heero wasn't do well...I...he's my friend, was. Hilde, he was mentally unstable, he proved it."  
  
"And he wasn't before?" She retorted.  
  
"Am I? Am I completely stable, do you think I have everything worked out? Heero wasn't the only one with issues, he just wouldn't let anyone help him!"  
  
"And you?" she scowled.  
  
"And me what?" Duo asked genuinely confused.  
  
"You didn't get help, you ran away."  
  
"I didn't! I went to make sure Heero wouldn't do anything stupid, which...I guess I couldn't stop. Heh, he always did do what he felt was right."  
  
No, that wasn't right. Heero always did what he was TOLD was right. Heero had been trained to follow orders, that was why he couldn't survive, he had no orders to follow so how was he suppose to know what to do. Relena was convinced that the whole 'perfect soldier' thing was a mask, Heero had no mask and Duo could see it. That's not to say he wasn't human, he was, and he still had tinny threads of emotion left in him, but Heero couldn't relate to his emotions, his own emotions. He had long detached himself from the world and had never really been acquainted with his emotions; they were all strangers to him. When Heero killed he could feel something and that was it, he couldn't tell what or why it was...he was detached, detached from the world and himself. Duo never wanted to feel that, he couldn't bare to feel as dead as Heero must have felt, well, maybe he didn't really notice, not that that was any better.  
  
"Heero was just a soldier, not like you." Hilde said, looking deeply into Duo's eyes, "you are truly a good person and I never once doubted that." ...the only words Duo heard were 'Heero', 'just' and 'soldier'.  
  
At that point the only thing Duo could think was of his fist in Hilde's gut. But he didn't, he couldn't hurt the girl. Because he had once loved her, not for long and not a lot, but he had.  
  
"Heero was more than a soldier, he was my friend, he was my friend and I only wanted to help him." He looked back into her eyes, "I'm sorry I left you Hilde...you should...I don't..." He pause and thought what to say, "I'm sorry."  
  
"I'm here now, though." She smiled, "And I'll stay."  
  
In some odd way it was comforting, but it wasn't enough. Hilde looked out the window and up at the sky.  
  
Just then a pair of arms were slowly draped over his shoulders and a head was rested in the nape of Duo neck. Duo closed his eyes, but he could still see a feel Heero there...  
  
He didn't want to face the facts, he would never lie out-loud but in his head he could keep repeating 'just a friend, just a friend, just a friend...just a friend...'  
  
- - - - - - - - - - TBC  
  
a/n  
  
And in the words of the famous...er...whoever "OH GOD!!!!! PLEEEEEEASE REEEEVIEEEW!!! PLEEEEAASE!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAHH"  
  
^_____^ shortly after the was prescribed anti-depressants. 


End file.
